How do you “celebrate” the hardest year of your life?

We looked back + looked ahead.

I’m writing this email on Sunday, 11/17, sitting in the backseat on the way home from a quick little family getaway trip. My kids and husband are (jokingly) bickering about the playlist we’ve all collaborated on for this past weekend. 

Today is the one-year anniversary of the day everything turned upside down.

In the midst of it, we thought we were in a trial. But one trial bled into the next, and I spent more days than I can count this past year asking, “How did we get here?”. 

On November 17th, we were living a pretty normal day. Then, after a ministry event and a quick date night, I began to walk upstairs to the shower when I caught Nick out of the corner of my eye. His hand was on his pulse, his eyes were watching his Apple watch, and a few moments later, he asked me to call the ambulance. Minutes later, he was on a stretcher in our living room. 

Fear, prayer, hope, tests, cardiologist visits, and heart monitors filled our next week.

We went into Thanksgiving tentative and tender. And then, the day after Thanksgiving, it happened again. Ambulance, stretcher, hospital - rinse and repeat. This time the doctor pulled me aside and told me that in addition to a heart condition - Nick was also having severe panic attacks.

The weeks that followed felt upside down. Nick was a shell of himself, but he was fighting. He had always been our rock, my rock, and suddenly - nothing was the same. (Turns out - being everyone’s “rock” for most of your life - not great for your mental health. Jesus is the rock - all people need Jesus.) Nothing was normal. 

He fought spiritually, physically, and prayerfully. He fought by processing forty years of emotions in under forty days. He went to a therapy intensive, he asked everyone he knew to pray for him. And slowly, the light started to break in our home. 

But we had no idea the pain that 2024 had in store for us - the pain was only the beginning. Some of the griefs we’ve been able to share online, many we haven’t. And so we find ourselves, on November 17th, thankful to have made it through.

Nick suggested a few months ago that we get away for this anniversary, us and the kids, to count God’s grace together - and also to look ahead and see what healing we’re asking God for in the future. 

I can tell you that I said, “This is just what the doctor ordered,” no less than 100 times in my head as we lived this past weekend. We needed a change of scenery, a little laughter, some deep talks, and new memories. We needed to talk about the future and what comes next. 

So today for our paid subscribers I’m sharing the Family Vision Questions (the exact ones!) we asked our kids this weekend. Whether you use these questions with a friend, a spouse, or your family - I feel they’ll help you feel more connected and expectant about the future. 

I’m also sharing a few behind-the-scenes pictures and videos of our time away! See you over there? 

PS: We talk more about Nick’s mental health and our year in this podcast and this one as well.