Courage + Coping Mechanisms.

A brave conversation about Christian women and alcohol.

Where is the line between comfort, safety, and coping mechanisms?

When does a good gift from God, given to His kids to enjoy the world, begin to keep us from seeing and experiencing Him?

How do we live in freedom without mistaking liberty for lawlessness?

These are questions I’ve been asking myself over the last few years, not only as they relate to alcohol, but to all the freedoms that could quietly become vices in my life: spending money, spending time in community, what entertains me, and even how I treat my physical body.

It feels brave to ask and answer these questions honestly in the presence of the Lord. It feels downright terrifying, however, to ask them in the presence of other people.

Can I tell you my double-sided fear about processing potential coping mechanisms with people, even people I trust?

First, I fear their judgment. What if their limits of freedom differ from mine, and they can’t imagine my perspective?

But I also fear the opposite. What if they excuse a genuine conviction for me, dismissing what I confess to be the Holy Spirit’s leading as hyperspiritual or unnecessary?

Let’s say I want to talk to a girlfriend about my concern that a glass of wine at the end of a long workday is becoming an unhealthy pattern for me. Or that I’m feeling tender about how quickly I turn to online shopping when life feels heavy. There’s a fear on either end of the pendulum.

She might react so strongly that shame enters the conversation, and I can’t keep naming what I’m sensing. Or she might dismiss it altogether: pouring another glass of wine or pulling up her favorite shopping site alongside me.

So how do we step into the light bravely together?
How do we have courageous conversations about coping mechanisms: both the expected ones and the sneaky ones that tend to develop in the dark?

Here are a few ground rules I’ve been learning to live by and trying to stick to:

• I don’t confess for correction, I confess for clarity.
This isn’t about being talked into or out of conviction. It’s about naming what’s true. I don’t bring any coping mechanism into the light to find out if it’s ok - I let Holy Spirit guide that discernment.

•I hold space for others without assigning standards.
What the Spirit is highlighting in my life may not be what He’s highlighting in yours, and that doesn’t make either of us wrong. Freedom that is legislated isn’t freedom, it’s legalism.

• I refuse both shame and minimization.
I don’t want to dramatize conviction or downplay it either. I speak life, freedom, and words that make space for a sensitivity to the Spirit.

• I trust God with other people’s obedience.
My job is to walk faithfully, I can’t obey or grow for anyone else.

Tomorrow, I’m hosting an online, shame-free conversation for my paid subscribers about Christian women, drinking, and sobriety. I’ll be joined by my friend and Go + Tell Gals coach, Christy Osborne, author of Love Life Sober.

Christy is a wise, steady, compassionate voice for this conversation, and it’s our joy to host a discussion that makes room for both tender-hearted conviction and the real freedom Jesus purchased for us on the cross.

If this is a conversation you’ve been hoping to be part of: in a safe, thoughtful, and shame-free space, make sure you’re a paid subscriber and you’ll find the link below! And if you can’t be there live, the replay will be waiting for you right here.

Let’s bravely be on each other’s team, amen?