Are you a balcony person or a basement person?
And 3 questions to get us where we want to go.
Growing up, my mom asked us a question that has rolled around in my mind for decades.
She would ask us, “Are you a balcony person or a basement person?”
Balcony people lift others up. They encourage, they exhort, they see the good in people and call it out. In my early adulthood, I had to learn that being a balcony person doesn’t mean ignoring pain or darkness—but it can mean standing on the edge, looking over, and saying, "Come up here. There’s light here. There’s hope here." Balcony people help us believe in what’s possible. They see our potential even when we can’t. They don’t shy away from hard conversations, but they have them with grace, with love, and with an unwavering belief that WE CAN GROW.
Balcony people say - things can grow, even here.
Basement people, on the other hand, pull others down. Not necessarily because they’re cruel, but because they feel stuck themselves. Basement people use shame as a tool - not always consciously - but because it’s been used against them. They make others feel small because they feel small. They don’t want to see others grow because growth is terrifying for them. Basement people live in fear, and rather than climbing out, they try to convince others to stay in the dark with them.
And here’s the truth: we can all be both. We’re often both, depending on the company we’re in. Depending on how we feel that day.
Sometimes, in some settings, with some people, we show up as balcony people. Other times, with different people or under different pressures, we lean toward the basement. So, how do we know how we’re showing up? Here are three questions to ask yourself:
When someone shares a dream or a win, what is my first instinct? Do I celebrate them and cheer them on? Or do I feel the need to downplay, critique, or question?
Do I use shame—toward myself or others—as motivation? Do I believe people (myself included) need to feel bad to do better?
Am I more focused on protecting my comfort or encouraging growth? Do I hold people back—intentionally or unintentionally—because their growth makes me uncomfortable or insecure?
The good news is, we’re never stuck. If you find yourself in the basement today, you don’t have to stay there. There is always a way up, and it often starts with choosing encouragement, hope, and belief—both in yourself and in others.
Let’s be balcony people. The world needs more of them.
Do I need to feel bad to do better? Um, yes!!! Kristi McClelland wrote about what God meant in John about cutting off branches that aren't bearing Fruit and how in the original text, it actually could mean "to cut off" or "to lift up," and in that passage it was used as "to lift up." WOW. When we sin, God doesn't cut us off; He lifts us up - He helps us. You reminded me of that - a basement person feels like God cuts her off; a balcony person believes God lifts her up when she fails.
I love this! This is part of the reason I decided to become a coach!! I love lifting and encouraging others! This is such a beautiful visual to keep in mind! Thank you for sharing this with us, Jess!🤍