5 Ways You Obey Shame

And how to actually walk in freedom this summer

Have I ever told you about the summer I lived in South Carolina, in the sweltering heat, refusing to wear short sleeves… but blaming it on modesty?

Really, I felt deep shame about my body. But it was easier to pridefully hide, to perform holiness, and even to heap quiet shame on others.

I still feel deep regret about that summer: about the ways I let shame call the shots in my life, my wardrobe, my witness.

And it wasn't just about the sleeves.

Here’s what I’ve learned: shame doesn’t always shout. Sometimes it whispers. Sometimes it dresses up as self-control or humility.

Sometimes it preaches a false gospel: one that says our bodies must earn belonging, beauty, or approval before they’re worthy of love or joy or freedom. That is not the message of Jesus.

If you follow Him, you are free. But sometimes we don’t walk like it.

Sometimes we still obey shame.

Let me name five subtle ways that might be showing up in your life:

1. You refuse to wear clothes that show your legs and arms: not out of modesty, but because of insecurity.

You know your heart. You know when it’s fear, not faith, making the decision. If you’re hot and hiding, let’s talk about that.

2. You use unkind words to label your body.

You’d never say it to a friend, but you say it to yourself. Loudly. Daily. That running commentary of critique? That’s not how a beloved daughter talks.

3. You hide from pictures, or tear yourself down as soon as you see them.

You crop yourself out or beat others to the punch by making a joke. You become your own bully before anyone else has the chance.

4. You dread family vacations, photos, girls’ nights, or date nights because you have to be present in your body.

It’s not the trip or the dinner you’re avoiding. It’s the feeling of being seen. The way shame tries to steal good memories before they can even form.

5. You avoid movement, nutritious eating, doctor’s visits, or exploring your health because it’s easier to hide and neglect your body.

But you weren’t made for neglect. You were made for flourishing. For embodiment. For wholeness.

Friend, if any of that hits home, I’d love to invite you to something:

On Wednesday, July 2nd at 12pm ET, I’m hosting a live webinar for my paid Substack subscribers. It’s called Shorts and Sleeves, and it’s a gentle, gospel-centered conversation about walking in actual freedom this summer: freedom in your body, freedom from shame, and freedom to live fully awake.

We’re going to tell the truth, root ourselves in God’s Word, and take one step forward—toward love, toward healing, and toward embodiment without fear.

If you’re not a paid subscriber yet, you can join here. If you can't make it live, you’ll get access to the replay.

Let’s stop obeying shame.
Let’s wear the shorts.
Let’s lift our arms.
Let’s live free.

In Jesus’ name.

With you,
Jess